(delayed publication due to denial…and excessive “use of fuck you” but then I decide to say it all)
I am but a shadow of myself trying to peer through…
What if I am actually just not real?
Maybe I don’t exist?
Maybe I shouldn’t exist?
Maybe I will not exist?
It’s hard to tell how someone so unwanted and unaccepted could be so present in the world, walking around as myself is apparently a political statement.(So my afro is a giant fuck you…Nice).
Different and contrarian in every form and in every way…obvious since I was 5 years old and my parents loved, cared for, and protected me in ways well before their time. I remember things now. I remember drawing my sword against adults to defend my right to just be: as I am, who I am, always have been.
How many boxes I do tick: Person of colour subjected to anti-black racism and xenophobia. Living with non-visible an dynamic disability – genetic condition exacerbated by mental health conditions. LGBTQ+ and fluid. Female at Birth (She), Gender Non-conforming/Genderqueer (they/their)) because gender is fluid. Alternative family status (actually parenting happily solo). ENM relationship anarchist, non-hierarchical polyamorous – don’t believe in marriage, monogamy, typical relationship escalator. (So fuck you conformist pressure and abusive domestic control).
Non-religious.
Feminist.
Intersectional Radical Feminist actually.
Disruptor or disruptive? Do I enable change or reinforce the status quo with my (unsuccessful?) systems/institution targeted challenges? Does my diversity of thought, actions, philosophies and beliefs make the world more inclusive and welcoming? I don’t feel seen, valued or heard.
Am I ever even seen, valued, or heard?
Within the insignificance of the vastness of the Universe, how is it that “normal” makes so much effort to make sure that we of the queer variations are always harmed.
Agreed, intelligence is not enough for success, but with it, I was successful. My presence is negligible but for the many ways capitalism seeks to exploit my brain and diversity for performative inclusion on its climate change – world ending race to annihilation for the sake profit. (So fuck you colonization, imperialism, capitalism, religious intolerance, warmongers and such systems oppression).
No – which is a full sentence – flowed easily from my soul. Still today I scream “No!”: some of society’s norms/customs are weird and exclusionary “traditions”. Traditions are peer pressure from dead people. (So fuck you ableism, racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia et al)
Yes – which is an affirmation of life – flowed easier from my heart. “Yes!” to consent, body positivity and sex positivity. The right to choose is innate.
Freedom is living, alive.
……YOU do know that YOU have preferred pronouns too? I know you know because you even asked about your neighbour’s dog’s – get it now? ANDWe aren’t all princesses, needing to be rescued; or princes claiming to be nice guys or “boys will be boys”. No one should be kissed/touched/interfered with in their sleep, drunk, medicated, otherwise incapacitated and/or unable to give enthusiastic agreement without pressure, coercion or duress. BASIC. Write better “children’s” stories. (So fuck you rape culture and its insidious tools of indoctrination).
BE BETTER!!!
FUCK ALLLLL THE WAY OFFF. Not part way, not a little bit…ALLLLL THE FUCKING WAY TO THE HELL OF YOUR OWN MAKING
…OFF.
Signed. 5 year old me – yeh, even back then, I knew.
Colour in International Development 