Living through:”What’s the worst that can happen?”

I have been failing at life...failure to me is letting others beat me down so badly that I have lost the will to live. Death is not the worst that can happen. I no longer have my zest, my joy or my hopefulness. Instead I have anxiety attacks, heart palpitations and constant despair. My mind … Continue reading Living through:”What’s the worst that can happen?” →

Discovering the activation of my trauma dissociation

Hospitals have a specific smell...I would know, I've been to quite a few all over the world due to a genetic condition that can disable me without warning or explanation. Apparently, I was 5 years old when I had an altercation with a mirror that resulted in a trip to the Emergency Room, lots of … Continue reading Discovering the activation of my trauma dissociation →

A moment in time, a shovel of dirt (II)

…today is still not that day. Needless to say. it's been a stretch to figure out the real trigger for the June trauma-versary of my WBG HQ last day at work. Detective Logs Status: Work finding Client: My traumatized brain Clues by Symptoms: 3 PTSD (diagnosed) trauma-versaries TRAUMA-VERSARIES #2 and #1: The October/November trauma-versary was … Continue reading A moment in time, a shovel of dirt (II) →

Memories of an Intersectional mind (Part I)

(delayed publication due to denial...and excessive "use of fuck you" but then I decide to say it all) I am but a shadow of myself trying to peer through... What if I am actually just not real? Maybe I don't exist? Maybe I shouldn't exist? Maybe I will not exist? It's hard to tell how … Continue reading Memories of an Intersectional mind (Part I) →

Scary office furniture and supplies

I was once afraid of everyday office supplies, office desks, ergonomic office chairs, black laptops, and photocopying machines...with closed doors were torture tools. Seeing a filing cabinet was particularly painful. Wooden shelvings were essentially torment. Recycling bins for shredding confidential documents were haunting sirens. Stacks of printer paper made me hyperventilate. I would hesitate going … Continue reading Scary office furniture and supplies →

I have the freedom but not the luxury to…

Life...So many thoughts go through our heads as we ponder what our future may hold. So many of us are writing out loud, screaming our distress and labeling our terror. There's no place for indifference to hide anymore. If you're not enraged, then you're simply not paying attention. My truth - I aspire to write … Continue reading I have the freedom but not the luxury to… →

Blinding

There are days when I can't see. I literally lose my vision...whenever I'm Level 10/10 triggered. The nightmares, memories and objects that have such blinding effects on me, are varied but apparently all too real and linked to great darkness. I'm ashamed by it. I'm afraid by it. I'm paralyzed by it. Often times I … Continue reading Blinding →

Where there is loss

I am tormented By hurts that's not mine alone By a past I cannot shake By a city I once loved She is tormented By choices that's not her own By pain that she cannot make By a place that she stood above We are tormented and we scream as we mourn and we are … Continue reading Where there is loss →