I’ve officially given up. I’ve surrendered to the colonizers what I’ve invested 5 years of schooling and 15 long years working towards. I’ve been in denial, mourning the loss for years now. Today I accept it.
The system is too large, the sexist players too monstrous and the racist gate keepers too imposing for my fragile health to cope. My joy has been stolen, my potential robbed.
I am heartbroken.
It depresses me deeply.
I’ve been really really sad.
But in leaving I take a stand.
I’m not a petting zoo…I’m not here for your amusement, I’m not alive for your entertainment, I’m not born for your exploitation.
I have worth.
And I will not be a willing participant in my dehumanization.
Colour in International Development 
Breaks my heart to read this post, also because it resonates so deeply with my own experiences in international development. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve also been trying to articulate a similar sentiment for some time now, but felt like maybe I was just complaining and not putting in the work required to be in a space where my contributions would (finally) be valued. Thanks for the confirmation that I am not crazy.
I hope that you are now able to create the type of career for yourself where you can have an impact and where constantly having to affirm your worth is not one of the job requirements….
-Rushaine
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