I am but a spec in a system that churns along lubricated by the sweat, blood and tears of exploitation. I am, but one, of countless tortured souls. I stand alone, shivering, dying...limply resisting. I go against these entities that will not hear us. As they remain blinded by their own claim to moral rightness … Continue reading I burn sage and toxic bridges
Author: More>than MyColor
Struggling, and working things through. Recovering from sexual assault, harassment and bullying in the workplace of an international organization. It takes time and this is part of my therapy. Hopefully sharing my truth can help me and maybe someone who needs to read this, it will help you too. You are not alone, and it's not your fault. POC, we aren't worth less. (Email function not yet up, sorry).
Blinding
There are days when I can't see. I literally lose my vision...whenever I'm Level 10/10 triggered. The nightmares, memories and objects that have such blinding effects on me, are varied but apparently all too real and linked to great darkness. I'm ashamed by it. I'm afraid by it. I'm paralyzed by it. Often times I … Continue reading Blinding
The poison in the cure
I write. I'm a writer I live. I'm alive I hurt. I'm always in pain My childhood was forged in chronic pain or the promise of it given my genetic condition and resulting disability. I don't experience emotions enough and I definitely don't share enough with the people I love. I'm afraid they'll love me … Continue reading The poison in the cure
Missing memories
There are parts of my mind that are misfiring...even more, there are large chunks of my memory that are missing. So I can't even fully provide the details that would support a legal case. I'm not well enough to be adequately prepared. I'm not able to organize well enough to get the evidence together. I've … Continue reading Missing memories
My year in review
Is it even a surprise when racial injustice, inequity and dire health crises have been the lived experience of so many, even from birth? It's been my life ever since I left the Caribbean for a global calling. I've lived this year over and over for 5 years now...and then came 2020. The world experienced … Continue reading My year in review
Too many pandemics to process
To mourn the losses we've suffered for 2020 is too much for me…I can't fathom the human suffering, I can't find the steady reasons for gratitude and I can't process what's happened to the collective this year. Why? - Because it's not over. To be alive is to be a part of things we can … Continue reading Too many pandemics to process
Where there is loss
I am tormented By hurts that's not mine alone By a past I cannot shake By a city I once loved She is tormented By choices that's not her own By pain that she cannot make By a place that she stood above We are tormented and we scream as we mourn and we are … Continue reading Where there is loss
Afraid
I'm afraid of my life now...everything's a trigger. I'm worried I can't move past this and I'll never be OK. I stay far from the building and away for fear of running into the people. Even though my rational brain says that's not likely. But when does this ever operate on reason. Am I really … Continue reading Afraid
Farewell to this Career
I’ve officially given up. I’ve surrendered to the colonizers what I’ve invested 5 years of schooling and 15 long years working towards. I’ve been in denial, mourning the loss for years now. Today I accept it. The system is too large, the sexist players too monstrous and the racist gate keepers too imposing for my … Continue reading Farewell to this Career
Left to Die
This global threat was detected from as early as December 2019...yet the virus was not newsworthy until January 2020, and the pandemic took form in February, but was not named or declared as such until March: COVID-19. By January, there were clear signs that this was serious and by February it was obvious that this … Continue reading Left to Die
I needed a win…and I got it!!!
Wow, it's been months since I could find the words to be heard. So much has happened yet so little has changed in the international development space. At the same time, my world evolved today...I had a win...and with it I won back my dignity, my self-confidence and my sense of value in competence. This … Continue reading I needed a win…and I got it!!!
Team Lead from Hell – Part I
In my first attempt back at work - independent international consulting this time - it was an epic disaster...hell, not even describable how bad it's been. Since believing that I had triumphantly recovered from the abuse of my past sojourn into the impactful world of international development, I failed. Not even by a little bit, … Continue reading Team Lead from Hell – Part I
Sorry
Sorry I couldn't write. I don't even journal as often as I should, now I don't have back up pieces to make up for the missing weeks. I had another breakdown...lost my vision again. And this time there was no one around me to help. I was alone, so alone. [Inserted edit - that's actually … Continue reading Sorry
Not the Model Victim
"I admit to being naive. I admit to being too optimistic. But I won't buy into the idea that ill-treatment in these organizations should have been expected and somehow this is all my fault." As I write things down in chronological order, searching for the legal implications in each moment, encounter or reaction, I watch … Continue reading Not the Model Victim
A Few Tips on Surviving a Racially Charged Workplace
"Since my presence made you so uncomfortable, my features made you assume I was not qualified or worthy of being here, that I'm just the diversity pick. Alas, your insecurities and your prejudices are not my doing. There are a range of frailties in this brave new world, and you just have to learn to … Continue reading A Few Tips on Surviving a Racially Charged Workplace
Yup…International Development Has a Race Problem
I'll never forget my interviews for international organizations. I feel like I spent half of the sessions batting away stereotypes. Looking back now, I can figure out the trick questions, maybe trying to find out just how "thick my skin" was. Often, there was no black person in the room...and on the few occasions there … Continue reading Yup…International Development Has a Race Problem
Daily Misogyny – Gender and Punishment
This month in our 'Monthly Media Spotlight' our team wants to consider the impact of public punishment in the age of the internet. Public shaming may be a double edged sword. Calling out racist and misogynistic actions, situations and people can have positive impacts. However, rushing to conclusions can create judgments of guilt without a … Continue reading Daily Misogyny – Gender and Punishment
Over-punishing Black Women, A World Bank Tradition
A public transit worker is "hurt and embarrassed" after being called out in a viral tweet for eating on a train. Nope, she didn't get fired. Yah, the power of mass support! The person who wrote the tweet, was a communications officer at the World Bank Group. Not only did she make the report publicly … Continue reading Over-punishing Black Women, A World Bank Tradition
We Need Justice? Global Change? Internal Reform?
"I've shared my experiences and my feelings because I know I'm not the only one...Let us speak up, let us speak out, and let us make change happen. But really...on an individual level, what would justice even look like?" Warning - deep deeply pessimistic mood. I've lost the luxury of knowing that I matter. I … Continue reading We Need Justice? Global Change? Internal Reform?
About Poverty – A reading list
I grew up on a steady diet of lies from the mass media about what poverty is, what it means, and what it says about those affected. My parents taught me differently. My family was comfortable middle class and strong proponents of social and economic mobility through education. It was critical for our psyche that … Continue reading About Poverty – A reading list
Colour in International Development 